Books I Will NEVER Read

John Guillen60 Comments

Photo Credit: Book Snobbery

I’m not a fan of bashing authors, but I’m not bashing authors really, I’m bashing their books. There’s a difference!

Okay, so I know most avid readers like myself have a number of books that will not ever be read for any reason. Not even if there’s a zombie apocalypse taking place and I’m the lone survivor with just the one book thrown on the floor in front of me. They are to remain off-limits forever and a day. Let me just give you the list.

1. Fifty Shades of anything

If you’re a fan of EL James, great. I’m not and never will be. I’ve known the very basic concept of the book for a long time now, but I just read a little of the Wikipedia page that made me want to slap someone. The first book sounds absolutely horrible. I mean, if you want to read about that stuff then partake in it yourself. Or go watch a movie. Or find a website. Do something. Don’t read about it. Makes me think you’re kind of gross. Don’t get angry at me for saying that. It’s my blog.

2. Twilight

I know Stephenie Meyer has been heavily criticized for her writing skills and the way she portrays Bella. Those are pretty much the two reasons why I won’t be reading any of the books in the series. Let me be clear, though, I would read this entire series 100 times before ever reading the first book from the above mentioned series. My reasoning for not reading these books is mostly because they don’t seem like they’d be interesting reads to me. Sure the writing may not be great and Bella isn’t the most memorable literary character of all-time, but the only book I’ve ever read about vampires was Dracula. Yes, I loved it.

3. Divergent

I think some of you may be thinking how I’m putting this series of books in with the other two. What I’ve read and heard about this series of books has mostly been that the first two books were pretty good and the last one was disappointing. I could be wrong, but that’s what I’ve read. Those have nothing to do with my decision not to read this series. There’s only one reason why I won’t read these books. It’s going to sound crazy, but oh well. I won’t read them because of all the comparisons they get to The Hunger Games. THG is my adult obsession. I LOVE those books. LOVE them. You’ll recall that I named the trilogy my favorite series ever in a previous post. Well, it’s because of the very slim off chance that I like Divergent more than THG that I won’t read them. I’m in love with Jennifer Lawrence and Katniss and Effie and Prim. I don’t want that to be overshadowed by Veronica Roth.

4. Anything written by a celebrity

I fully realize that most celebrities who ‘write’ books don’t actually write them. They have the help of a journalist or author or someone who actually writes the book for them. It’s not that I think the books are poorly written, it’s that the books are generally bad. For instance, I don’t have any interest reading about the whole rags to riches stories that so many athletes claim. It’s great that you went from food stamps when you were little to millions of dollars a year in salary, truly, BUT you won’t find me reading about it. I’m not including former presidents in this group. I think their books would be rather interesting to read. I look forward to reading George W. Bush’s book at some point. Not necessarily because I’m a supporter of his, but because his presidency was the first of my life that I actually understood a little about what was going on.

5. Anything with seductive people on the cover

I mean, come on. What’s the point? I work in a store that carries a very selective section of books. You’ll pretty much only find the major bestselling authors there. The ones I can name off the top of my head who I can recall seeing this past weekend are James Patterson, Nora Roberts, Tom Clancy, and Stephen King. BUT half of the books that I don’t recognize the author names have half-naked people on the front. It’s annoying. Won’t ever be reading those books. Not a one.

This would be my reaction to reading any book on the list.

Photo Credit: BuzzFeed

Okay, so I know my list wasn’t exactly a list of particular books so much as it was a list of types of books I won’t read. But that’s it. Do you have any books that you’ll never find yourself reading? Tell me why.

In other news, I just passed 500 WordPress followers less than a month after reaching 200! You guys seriously make me happy.

60 thoughts on “Books I Will NEVER Read”

  1. Hahahaha. When I read the title of your post, I knew I was gonna find Twilight on the list. As for 50 Shades…, I actually think it’s an insult to Jasper Fforde’s Shades of Grey, which came out first and is light years away from the crap the 50 shades books are. Let me clear myself, though – I’ve never read them, but I’ve heard people raving about how exciting and racy the series is – enough for me to pronounce it garbage. And I’m not a puritan either, because I love Humbert Humbert and Dolores Haze. 😉

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  2. I certainly won’t be reading 50 Shades of Grey or Twilight. I’ll give Divergent a go, though. It seems interesting to me. I’ll never touch a Harlequin romance book, of course. What man would?

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  4. I have said the same about the first two on your list as well! I’ve heard the same about the Divergent series which is why I can’t decide if I want to try them (though I fully understand not wanting to read something because you’re afraid some other author would be overshadowed…I thought I was the only person who thought like that!)

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  5. I have many books I don’t THINK I would ever read, but I don’t have a firm list of books I would definitely never read. For example, I think 50 Shades of Grey is stupid, but I slogged through the first ten chapters to see if it’s really as bad as they say (note: it is). There are some genres I purposely stay away from because I know I don’t like them (mystery, horror, etc.), but if I have to read a book in one of those genres for whatever reason, I’ll give it a shot.
    Speaking of Divergent, what are your thoughts on movies? Like, you won’t read the book because of the Hunger Games, but what about going to see the movies? I ask because I recently saw the Divergent movie, and I thought it was really good — might be worth checking out 🙂

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    • My thoughts on movies are simple. I don’t go. Or see them in theaters. In 2012 I saw The Hunger Games and The Hobbit. Last year I saw Catching Fire. This year I’ll see Mockingjay Part One. They’re too expensive. And Divergent doesn’t come close to making the cut.

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  6. Celebrity-written novels have to top my list of books I’ll never read. What irks me about them is that real writers missed out on their chance to get published because publishers saw dollar signs when they dreamed up the idea of letting a celeb write (or pay someone to write) a novel. It makes the industry look bad overall.

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  7. Ha! Well, no, wait: First of all, thanks for stopping by my blog. Now, again: HA! I almost did a similar list to yours but then I thought I’d rather start with the positive one, which is books I actually want to read but never did. But rest assured, my nevereverinamillionyears-list WILL come. 😉 Thanks for making me smile.
    Oh, and I don’t read anything that was or still is riding on the success of The Lord of the Rings. (= anything with Elves, Dwarfs and Orks that is NOT written by Tolkien.)

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  8. I read all three 50 Shades of Grey books. You know that saying “Curiosity Killed the Cat?” Or “Glutton for punishment.” I’m still trying to get that story out of my brain. All my friends were raving about it so I read it. I evidently have idiot friends that don’t know what a good book is.

    Divergent is sitting on my “to-read” shelf right now. I want to read it before I see the movie.

    Hilary Duff wrote a book and my mom liked it. It wasn’t about her road to fame though, it was a fiction book. I never got around to reading it.

    I don’t have a list of books I won’t read. I will read just about anything at least once. Usually if it’s part of a series I will read the whole series even if I hated the first one. Which is why I read the entire 50 Shades of Grey series. If I didn’t give all books a try I totally would have missed out on The Hunger Games series. I passed that book so many times at the book store. I was so mad at myself for waiting so long to read it. Also, Jennifer Lawrence is totally my lady crush. I watched American Hustle (horrible movie!) just because she was in it.

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  10. To be honest I read Twilight when I was a teenager. I was 17 when the first movie came out and I enjoyed. I enjoyed the books. They were thoroughly easy to read and made it easy to escape from the world. That was the whole reason I read as a teenager.

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  11. I agree with you about 50 Shades. I read Twilight (don’t judge I was in high school when it came out), and severely regret my decision.

    I also read Divergent, I read the whole series. I loved it, the first book was definitely the best. I love Hunger Games more.

    Celebrities and barely clothed people? I’m with you 100%.

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  12. I agree with all of these! As someone who’s read a paragraph or two of ’50 Shades…’, let me tell you that one paragraph was all I needed to throw the book down and scoff with all of my strength!
    However, I’m quite interested in reading Divergent because I love dystopian fantasy and apparently, the author wrote it all during Christmas break in her last year of university, and the movie rights were bought before she’d even finished writing it! Apparently. And that kind of success story warms my heart! Whether or not it’s actually worth reading is a different matter…

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  13. Harlequin books are those romance novels you hate. You know, the ones with pictures of seductive couples on the covers, lol. They call some of those books “bodice rippers”.
    I’m probably in the minority, but I won’t touch any of the Harry Potter books.

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  18. Divergent is awesome. Please try it. But I understand if you dont want to. But Divergent is nothing like THG. Sure its in the same time (the Future) but the whole idea is different. But then again I like the Divergent series better than THG. lol 😛

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  19. I know I hate Twilight so much, but what about 50 shades of Grey?! With Christian and Anastasia?! I don’t get it… I know some people love it and others hate it. It’s just an opinion. Did you know 50 Shades of Grey was from a Twilight fanfic called Masters of the Universe? That’s a Mary-Sue of all of the controversial nonsense from certain groups of people in these days. Have you ever wondered about 50 Shades of Grey as #4 on the “dare-to-read” list of 2013 according to ALA? Did I underline this to my “dare-to-read” list printed on the same year for all of the last 14 school years? No. Good thing I didn’t underline it. Thank you!
    Agree with you on celebs and seductive people 100%.

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  21. I haven’t read Twilight, Divergent or THG. A friend loaned me 50 Shades when we were on the way home from a week away at a cottage, but I couldn’t get over the bad writing and implausible storyline long enough to bother reading it. You are NOT missing anything! I tend to be put off by anything that is so uber-popular, but was pleasantly surprised by the Harry Potter books when I read them with my kids years after they were out.

    When it comes right down to it, there are so many decent books out there, why waste time with a book which doesn’t bring you joy, happiness, thoughtfulness or reflection?

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