Saturday Selects #19: It’s all about control

Saturday Selects is a series of posts in which I discuss a random topic unrelated to the general bookish theme of the blog on the first Saturday of each month. Today we have a topic that I feel strongly about.

I’d be willing to bet that some of y’all can already guess what I’ll be talking about even though I haven’t said a thing about it just yet. Because it’s something we’ve all experienced or seen for ourselves. I’m talking about control. And more specifically, about control when it comes to dating.

Let me preface this by saying that I’ve never been in a real relationship. But I won’t let that stop me from having an opinion on something like this. Because in every instance it is unacceptable, and it doesn’t take much more than common sense to realize that.

Do you know anyone in a relationship who must know EXACTLY where their partner is at all times? Do you know anyone in a relationship who constantly makes all the important decisions ON THEIR OWN? Do you know anyone in a relationship who must have ALL the passwords to their partner’s social media accounts? Do you know anyone in a relationship who openly admits to looking through their partner’s texts and/or phone?

I’m sure you do. One, two, or even all of those. These people would likely argue that it’s about trust. And you shouldn’t have to hide anything in a relationship. And to that I’d say, “You aren’t fooling anyone with that nonsense.” To me, it’s about control. One person controlling the other person in a relationship. And there’s no discrimination here. It can definitely be either person, so don’t go thinking I’m only talking about guys or girls. Nope.

The worst thing is when these people who must be in control accuse their partner of lying or being unfaithful ALL THE TIME. Girl texting a guy friend? Oh, they’re obviously having sex. Girl posting selfies on social media? Oh, she obviously wants the attention of other guys. Guy Snapchatting a girl? Oh, they’re obviously sexting. Guy has a girl friend he’s known his whole life? Oh, they had to have hooked up before.

I’m not saying that these things don’t happen, but there’s a certain level of insecurity in a person who thinks it’s happening with every one of their partners. And quite frankly, no one should have to deal with it. I don’t call that a healthy relationship. It’s one thing to discuss things. It’s something else completely to have those discussions entirely one-sided.

If you’re someone who does any of these things in a relationship, then stop. I don’t typically go around telling people what they should or should not be doing, but I have no issue this time around. You’re wrong. And that great guy or girl you’re with is going to realize that there are plenty of people out there who want to be in a real relationship with them rather than control their life. And the day that happens is the day you’re left alone because of this need of yours to be in control of another human being.


On this day in 2014 I published Characters and Their Pets.

 

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15 thoughts on “Saturday Selects #19: It’s all about control

  1. Totally agree, I’ve never been one for intense controlling relationships. I’d run a mile…… Shame I can’t run very fast but you know what I mean…

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  2. Hear, hear!!! Bravo!!
    This is probably one reason I’ve been single for a while. I see too many of these relationships and will not tolerate them in my own life. Thanks for talking about this. It is a real problem.

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  3. This is the first time I’ve seen this issue so directly and clearly addressed. Glad to see it.

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  4. my hubby and I just celebrated our ten year anniversary. We’re throwing a party for friends and family and I debated about what to put on the invite. The reality of which is, ten years of marriage takes a lot of hard work. But people don’t want to hear that. They think it should be easy, that the other person should complete them. Snort. Complete yourself. Then find someone else to enjoy your completeness with. There’d be a lot less control, lying, snooping, etc if people just got secure in who they were first, instead of looking for someone else to fix it.

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  5. the last lady I briefly dated was insane and I played off that. I was always at home or work as scheduled. I let her read my phone contacts, read the messages and look at the pictures. I bored her, they were all work related and I work at a retirement home. She really went off the deep end when she found out I’m not on any social sites. I have no facebook, twitter or anything except my wordpress blog. The day she really flipped out is when I said I don’t want to read her facebook page because the blue is ugly. She even wrote down the password on a pad. It’s still in the same place she left it. She’s gone now but her password still lives on in the nutty hall of fame.

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  6. This behavior just shows immaturity. I’ve known plenty of couples who demonstrated such behavior and I couldn’t wait for them to break up. It’s painful to watch.

    Austin and I have a pretty good idea of who one another is talking to, etc, but that’s because we communicate very openly and neither one of us have anything to hide. I don’t care what his cell password is, because I trust him. He doesn’t ask for my laptop password because he knows I like privacy for my writing, art, etc. I once worked with one of those controlling girls who was shocked that I didn’t constantly suspect my boyfriend was cheating on me, and I just laughed. It was such a ludicrous concept to me.

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    • Yes to everything, except that it’s painful to watch. If an adult doesn’t have the ability to recognize what is appropriate and what isn’t, then that’s on them. Cause an outsider can only get in their ear so much. I think all girls think what she did. 😂😉

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  7. Pingback: September was one big Fail | Write me a book, John!

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