In yesterday’s post I told y’all my trip was over. And it is. I’m back home sleeping in my own bed for the first time in a week. But I have more I want to say about it.
This trip was exactly what I needed. I returned to work the first week of December and hadn’t taken any time off since. Every weekend feels like a mini trip for me, though I’m mostly lying in bed sleeping. No exaggeration.
It was nice to get out of my routine. I know everyone probably feels this way after taking time off work, but I really needed to focus on myself. I don’t think I have been. Not for a long time. This allowed me to do that. But I know myself. It won’t last. I tend to focus on the wrong people and things in my life. For example, ask me who I’m more likely to respond to in this scenario: a text message from someone who has made it clear they don’t really want me in their life in any capacity and someone who has made the opposite clear. Except it isn’t only texting. It’s hanging out. It’s wanting to do stuff. It’s talking. It’s asking for help. It’s everything. And it isn’t just one or two people.
This last week showed me that it’s okay to just think of myself. That I’m perfectly fine eliminating what should have been eliminated from my life a long time ago. That I can focus on the right people and doing what I love without needing anything from anyone who doesn’t want to be active in my life. It seems so simple when I type it out. But it isn’t. Not for me and probably not for most. In the hours since I’ve been home I’ve already realized how different it is when I’m here. I’ll fail in keeping my promise to myself. But I know now what it’s like not to. And for me, that’s something.