The Diary of an Average Nobody: Day 50

A month ago I lost my grandma.

It would be so easy for me to say the last month has flown by, that it hardly seems like she’s gone. I’d be lying if I said that.

On a personal level I’m feeling better after spending months in a bad place. But I miss my grandma everyday.

I lived with her for nearly 14 years, right? And every time I’d go back home since moving in October (almost weekly) she would light up and ask me how I’ve been doing at my apartment or how work was going. It seems so small, but I MISS THAT.

The reason I’m writing this is because the last month has not flown by. It’s gone by slower than any month of my life. And time going forward isn’t going to fly by. Time doesn’t really fly by after you lose someone until you simply start to forget them. I can’t see myself doing that. I’ll have different experiences as I progress through my own years, but my grandma isn’t someone I’ll forget. Not now or a year from now or a decade from now because never again will I get to call someone grandma.

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This is Rough

Every human alive has experienced loss and hardship. No loss is worse than any other because no two individuals are the same. It’s easy to say, “I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now.” That saying is an actual fact. No one can understand the tragedy and loss another person experiences. That doesn’t mean we can’t be empathetic.

I wrote yesterday about my dogs. For anyone thinking I might be taking this too seriously, know I’ve lost 3 of my 4 grandparents and have no living great-grandparents. That isn’t to say I’m better or worse than the next person, but I know loss.

The emergency surgery on one of my dogs was a success. But as a result of the incident he lost an eye. I’m overwhelmed with sadness. But we could not keep the dogs under the same roof any longer. This morning I surrendered the other dog to the county. They informed me that he will most certainly be euthanized. I cried right there as he was taken from me. Then for an hour driving home.

RIP Charlie. We had 2 great years. I only wish we could have had 10 more.