Saturday Selects is a series of posts in which I discuss a random topic unrelated to the general bookish theme of the blog on the first Saturday of each month. Today we have a topic that I feel strongly about.
I’d be willing to bet that some of y’all can already guess what I’ll be talking about even though I haven’t said a thing about it just yet. Because it’s something we’ve all experienced or seen for ourselves. I’m talking about control. And more specifically, about control when it comes to dating.
Let me preface this by saying that I’ve never been in a real relationship. But I won’t let that stop me from having an opinion on something like this. Because in every instance it is unacceptable, and it doesn’t take much more than common sense to realize that.
Do you know anyone in a relationship who must know EXACTLY where their partner is at all times? Do you know anyone in a relationship who constantly makes all the important decisions ON THEIR OWN? Do you know anyone in a relationship who must have ALL the passwords to their partner’s social media accounts? Do you know anyone in a relationship who openly admits to looking through their partner’s texts and/or phone?
I’m sure you do. One, two, or even all of those. These people would likely argue that it’s about trust. And you shouldn’t have to hide anything in a relationship. And to that I’d say, “You aren’t fooling anyone with that nonsense.” To me, it’s about control. One person controlling the other person in a relationship. And there’s no discrimination here. It can definitely be either person, so don’t go thinking I’m only talking about guys or girls. Nope.
The worst thing is when these people who must be in control accuse their partner of lying or being unfaithful ALL THE TIME. Girl texting a guy friend? Oh, they’re obviously having sex. Girl posting selfies on social media? Oh, she obviously wants the attention of other guys. Guy Snapchatting a girl? Oh, they’re obviously sexting. Guy has a girl friend he’s known his whole life? Oh, they had to have hooked up before.
I’m not saying that these things don’t happen, but there’s a certain level of insecurity in a person who thinks it’s happening with every one of their partners. And quite frankly, no one should have to deal with it. I don’t call that a healthy relationship. It’s one thing to discuss things. It’s something else completely to have those discussions entirely one-sided.
If you’re someone who does any of these things in a relationship, then stop. I don’t typically go around telling people what they should or should not be doing, but I have no issue this time around. You’re wrong. And that great guy or girl you’re with is going to realize that there are plenty of people out there who want to be in a real relationship with them rather than control their life. And the day that happens is the day you’re left alone because of this need of yours to be in control of another human being.
On this day in 2014 I published Characters and Their Pets.